Wonderful Weekend with "my girls"

This past weekend was a whirlwind for me.

I hosted, 8 teenage/young adult orphans and an intern from the orphanage. (ages 12-19) Two of my Cameroonian friends, Sophie and Enih helped me facilitate the weekend.

We started the weekend discussing the hopes and dreams of all the girls and getting to know them a bit better. It's been a while since I have spent time with them and they were meeting my new "staff" for the first time.

Our topics of discussion for the weekend were: Identity in Christ, love, forgiveness and we spent a great deal of time discussing what it means to truly have a relationship with the Lord. I taught about having a servants heart and how servant-hood starts in our homes. This is an interesting concept when you live in an "institution" and are used to "fighting" for just about everything. We did some practical things as well. We used team-work to make all of our meals and clean up, they were taught the proper way to set a table, they learned how to use cutting boards and a garlic press! The garlic press was a HUGE hit. Most people chop vegetables in their hands here. It was comical to see the girls attempting to cut on the cutting board. Their comments were hysterical.

In between our lessons, we played games, I had one on one conversations with the girls and we danced. They were so surprised that Auntie Yaya knew how to dance with the beat. They told me that they didn't know American's could do that! :-)

On Sunday morning I thought I was coming to wake them up to get ready for church. What a surprise I got, when they were all awake on mattresses in the living room having morning prayers. Such a blessing to my soul. I took them to a local church that is full of young people on fire for God and they had a GREAT time. They live, go to school and church all at the orphanage so it was good for them to experience church with others.

After church we prepared our last meal and discussed the Biblical Truths and Character development things.
When it was time for evaluating the weekend, I asked what did you learn? The first girls response, was, I learned what it means to have a real relationship with Christ. My heart burst. Out of all of the fun things we did and learned, this was the most important aspect of the weekend for me and she "got it." 


While I had a fantastic time with the kids there were some things that left my heart broken:

•  This was the FIRST time any of them had used a real toilet. They are used to using pit toilets or simply going outside.

• NONE of them had ever seen/used a shower. They take baths in buckets. sometimes outside as well. 
• This was the FIRST time any of them had sat at a table for a "family" meal. The orphanage where they live has 150 children and they cook outside over firewood and eat outside sitting on the ground. They commented over and over how special it was to have "family dinner."

These things don't overshadow all of the good of the weekend, it just helps me to put things into perspective and to really appreciate all that God has blessed me with.

These girls have not become discouraged with the fact that they are orphans. Their is such a stigma attached to being an orphan in this country. Orphans are not treated well in this country and are often ostracized. We reminded them that they are children of the Most High King which means that they are princesses and royalty.

They have dreams of becoming Doctors, Nurses, Journalists, Electricians and Builders! We will do all we can to help them achieve their goals.

It is such a blessing to be able to watch the kids learn and grow. We will be having another retreat with another set of girls from the orphanage in a few weeks. Additionally, Sophie and I will be teaching Bible and Life Skills weekly at the orphanage. I look forward to seeing what God does with each and every one of them in the future.

Dreaming with God

I received an email from a friend at my church asking how they can be praying for me and His Body Ministries in the next 6 months to a year. I was a little overwhelmed at the thought of what to say. There are prayer requests and then there are prayer requests.

It took me a while to answer. The last few weeks of my life have been surreal. I have come from a place of grief, mourning, and facing some of my deepest fears all while trying to pour the love of Christ out to others. My purse was stolen with a substantial amount of money in it, the following day I dropped a boiling pot of water and ended up with second degree burns on my face and upper body. Afterward, I had one week of literally lying in my bed crying, screaming, praying and then having some sweet worship. (so thankful my roomies love me and God, poor things, they suffered for a little while.) Do I share these things or keep them to myself?

On the day we buried Elliott there were 6 or 7 teenage orphan girls that I had been teaching Bible Study, Life Skills and some practical ways for them to earn money after leaving the orphanage. I hadn't seen them in several months since Elliott and I had been in the hospital in Yaounde for more than 3 months. After  hugging me a zillion times and expressing their grief over the loss of our sweet boy, they asked repeatedly when I was coming back to teach them. I told them to give me a bit of time but I would be back.

A few weeks ago, I met with the Administration of the orphanage to discuss plans about starting to teach again. They were overjoyed. We made plans to begin again the following week. The staff also wanted to know when I would expand the classes to more adult women. They wanted to invite people from neighboring villages to come and learn to be able to help assist with the work in the future. In the meantime, my phone has been ringing non-stop with people from 4 different cities as far as 7 hours away asking for the same teaching, classes and if I am available to provide counseling sessions for Young Adult girls.

My heart was overjoyed and overwhelmed at the same time. I am ONE person and not able to fulfill every request. While my brain understands this, my heart bleeds with the thought of leaving any hurting people out there. I shared my heart with my roomie and after she left I spent some serious time with God asking what to do. He had burdened my heart with the young women of Cameroon years ago and I was struggling to stay above water to be able to help them. What gives? Where is the help? Who can come? Who is already here who has a heart for you and a heart for the people as well? Where are the resources we need? The list of questions was endless. The only answer I heard was a simple, Trust ME. Over and over that's what I heard.

A few days later, I went for a meeting and was introduced to a young lady who had been sharing her heart with my roomie and the dreams that she had in her heart were almost identical to what was in my heart. We started talking about how we could work together. Both of us were there with tears in our eyes. She had recently been crying out to the Lord for what to do to help the young women of Cameroon discover who they were in Christ and not throw their lives away.

This weekend we will have a retreat at my house with 10 young women who are orphans. We will share some Biblical Truths, they are going to teach me how to make a Cameroonian meal, I will teach them how to make something (haven't decided what yet) and we will begin to help them understand what their identity in Christ looks like. After all that we will have a bit of fun and go to church together the following day. I'm so excited.

I have been dreaming about how to streamline all of what I do and how to maximize the number of requests with my availability. I believe God has given me a plan. We need a building. A Training Center of sorts. Young people will be able to come to be Discipled, taught the Word of God, and all of the practical life skills and vocational skills that I have been teaching all over Buea. In addition to Biblical Truths and HIV/AIDS, and God's plan for purity, I am currently teaching how to make soap from wood ashes, cake baking, food preservation etc. If we have a building we can reach more people in a more organized way and have a place where the girls can sell their wares to help earn a living. We would also recruit other vocational teachers both here and from the US to help teach other things. One practical thing we are thinking of is since we are teaching so much about cooking, we should have a restaurant on site to further be able to employ people and let the girls increase their skills (how to run a business, budget, etc) Proceeds from the restaurant would also be used to fund ministry projects, i.e. future baby Elliott's, the medical clinic we so desperately need, school fees for orphans, etc.

We are in the process of looking at costs of renting a building, equipment etc. There is another young lady who used to run a restaurant but has a huge heart for orphans who is willing to help, train and do whatever is necessary to make the vision come to pass. I am also seeking counsel from my mentors and others to be sure that I'm hearing from God correctly.

In order for this dream to become a reality, we need you. Right now all I would like you to do is pray and give me feedback on what you think about this dream. Then, I want you to pray about how you can be a part of it. Do you give? Do you come teach? Do you provide resources? Do you continue to pray and champion our cause in your sphere of influence? Please join me in praying for this dream.

In the following weeks I will continue research and prayers of my own. Building or not, the work will continue but I am certain that where God provides a vision, He provides Provision. He has begun with showing us the need and giving more workers to help. We will go where He leads us and do what He says to do.

Thanks again for all of your love, support and encouragement. You are invaluable to me and the ministry that God has blessed me to be a part of.

Pressing Forward

A HUGE thanks to all of you who have been sending me encouraging emails and facebook messages. I haven't had the energy or emotional stability to respond until now. It will take me a little bit to go back and answer every message personally but for now, Thank YOU. There are no words for me to express how grateful I am to know that so many of you are praying for me and loving me from afar. I wish that I could hug every neck and spend copious amounts of quality time with you but alas, email and skype is what I have for now. 

Rest assured in knowing that my Cameroon family has done an excellent job with taking care of me. (when I let them. I'm still stubborn and honestly struggling with feeling like a burden, but God has given them wisdom and insight as to how to deal with me)

I'll take a few moments to answer the FAQ of the last few weeks:

How am I?

This is a good question. The best answer is I'm not sure. I'm learning to live with a new normal that I don't want to be the new normal. In all honesty, I miss Elliott more than words can express. If I'm 100% honest, I am out of sorts and don't know what to do with myself. I finally ventured out of the house and have had to answer the question of "how is your baby?" I can finally answer without shedding tears.

How can I pray for you?

Other than the obvious prayer requests for peace and comfort...

My biggest issue right now is that I'm not sleeping. I have even gone against my own beliefs of NOT taking sleeping pills and I'm still awake. I have decided that it's just going to take time. Fortunately or not, right now I have a lot of that. My body is tired, my emotions are tired and yet when I lie down within an hour or two, I'm wide awake.

My second issue is for the first time in my life, I don't want to be alone. This is such a strange anomaly for me. My normal personality relishes in my alone time but these days I HATE it. My friends and roomies have done a fantastic job of being around without "crowding" me.

I am still learning to ask for what I need and not "being the strong one." While this is still tough for me, I'm so glad that I'm not taking this journey alone.

How can I help?/What can I do?

1. - Prayer. Living without him might be much harder than all we went through the last 6 months. I would gladly be fighting for his life rather than knowing that he's gone. I DESPERATELY need your prayers. I don't know what to tell you to pray for but I trust that you will listen to the Lord and He will guide you.

2. You can help other children with Infantile Spasms/West Syndrome. There is about $300 left of "Elliott's money." We will be using this to purchase medications needed to help other children and their families fight this disease. While Elliott didn't die from the West Syndrome (he died from a lung infection) there are countless numbers of children here in Cameroon and around the world who don't have the finances to pay for treatment that can help save their lives.  His neurologist is a specialist in the area of West Syndrome and children from all over the country are brought to him for treatment. In the next few weeks, I will make a trip back to Yaounde to purchase the medications and all the "stuff" needed for a few rounds of treatment. They will be presented to Dr. Mbassi to help needy families. Dr. Mbassi is a believer and has dedicated his life to helping the helpless. I promised him that the end of Elliott's life would not be the end of my involvement in his ministry. If you would like to be a part of making a difference in the life of future generations you can go to the blog and donate whatever amount, God lays on your heart to help. Please just email me to let me know that you are donating in Elliott's memory.

3. General financial support.

My current support needs are around $1,000 per month and current monthly support pledges are around $500 per month. God ALWAYS supplies and I am in constant awe of how He takes care of me and all of the needs I have and ministry projects. There have been numerous one time gifts or random emails with God just placed you on my heart and my family is giving this amount to bless you and your ministry. I have no idea how things manage to get done every month other than God supplying my needs. In the little over 3 months that we were in Yaounde for Elliott's hospital stay, we spent more than $10,000. I CAN'T explain it, there was no stockpile of money. All I can tell you is that when we needed it, the money was there. So, I trust that God will continue to supply. I would be lying if I said that this didn't put me on edge sometimes, but I walk by faith and not by sight. I am trusting God for more consistent monthly supporters. If you are led to give, you can donate online via my blog: http://hisbodyministries.blogspot.com. There is a a direct link to my ministry account with the National Christian Foundation. All gifts are tax deductible. Alternately, you can mail a check to NCF directly at: 11625 Rainwater Drive, Suite 500 -Alpharetta, GA 30009. Please write McLean Missions Fund on the memo line of your check.

4. - Random emails

I LOVE getting letters and email is the next best thing. Please continue to write to me and tell me about your lives and your families and how I can be praying for you. When you are living so far from home and so "out of your comfort zone," a few sentences from the people you love mean SO MUCH. I love hearing from you and feel like I am still a part of your life when I hear from you. You can send snail mail too, just message me for the address.

Are you coming "home?"

If by this, you mean will I be coming back to the U.S. The answer is YES. My tentative plans are to visit during the months of Dec. and January. God has done amazing work in Cameroon the past year and I want to share what He's doing with all of you. Nothing is firm yet, but in the coming weeks I hope to make some final decisions and firm plans. I have teams coming in March and perhaps another long term missionary coming to stay for several months in Jan. or Feb. so I can't stay too long. My prayer is that I will also be able to take a trip to Haiti during this time to visit the orphanages I work with there and to see my girls.

My question for you is, during my time in the U.S,  who do I visit first, second, and third?

While there is a time for mourning, I am anxious to "get back to work." My phone has already been ringing with people asking for counseling sessions, and wanting to know when I'm going to start visiting schools and when will the next soap making class be. (these are mainly people who didn't realize that Elliott has passed away) The guard at the Prison has called numerous times telling me that the inmates are asking when am I coming back to teach and I was just made aware of some groups of young women who need teaching/counseling etc. I am not going to push myself to do too much too soon but I firmly believe that God works best out of our brokenness and the best way for my healing to come is to pour into others. I don't know what I will end up doing first but I know that God can use all of this pain, Elliott's story and my life for His glory.

I am on a quest to find out what my new life looks like and trying to make sense of all that has happened. It's not easy, but I refuse to give up! God is still good and there are so many who need to find this out!

I have a very special thanks to my Cameroon family and my fellow Missionary and partner in crime - Sherri. You guys have shown me love and support that I never knew I would ever need. You were all there from day one of bringing Elliott home and every step of the way throughout this journey. I'm so very, very grateful. We have shared all the joy, laughter and tears. Thank you for making me a better person and a stronger Christian. Thank you for reminding me of who I am, who I'm NOT and who God is. You have truly shown me what it is to be a family and have walked out the scripture iron sharpening iron. I love you more than words can say and look forward to the rest of the journey that God has called us to!

Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of my family, friends, church family and even the people I have never met that read my newsletters, pray for me daily and support me in so many ways. Blessings to all of you!

Elliott's fight is over

My sweet baby Elliott no longer has to fight for his life. He is finally at peace and resting in the arms of his Heavenly Father.

I am so grateful to have had the pleasure of being "Mama Elliott" for the last 6 months. He was a such a joy.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, all for your prayers, financial support for all of his medical care and your encouragement to me when things were difficult. You not only made a difference in Elliott's life but there were countless people here in Cameroon who were challenged that Christians far away would care to do what they could to help a "helpless child" in Africa. Many people were amazed that anyone would care that much. I had the privilege of sharing Christ with so many in the hospital because of your gifts. Almost daily, the nurses brought people to me to share Elliott's story which led to me sharing the love of the Lord with so many people I would have never met.

Without your and your support, Elliott (and many children like him) would have likely been "thrown away" and left to die very early on. His Neurologist and one of the Charge nurses told me of people who ended up fighting for their child's life after hearing about what was being done for Elliott. These are people that I have never met but God's love for Elliott was shared with them and they were convicted to love in the manner that God loves all of His children.

Toya was not in this fight alone. I may have been the physical person caring for him (along with my dear friends and roomies here) but it was your prayers and financial support that helped make it all possible. Please know that your gifts and your prayers made a HUGE difference in the lives of many others. 2 weeks ago I had the privilege of sharing the gospel with Elliott's birth mother, and several of her family members and friends.

Elliott's life was a blessing to many and hopefully a reminder to all that EVERY life has value. I will do what I can to continue to fight for children around the world and will do my best to help improve medical conditions here in Africa. My prayer is that you will continue to join me in this fight. We as Christians are the voice for the voiceless and must demonstrate the Father/Mother heart of God to those who don't know Him around the world.

Thank you again for joining me on this journey. I don't have words to express my gratitude. My heart is overwhelmed with the generosity of people from all over. Thank you for listening when I ranted and praying just when I needed it. (even if you weren't aware) Please remember to be a light to those who are around you.

Share the love of Christ with all who come in your path, so that at the end of their "fight" here on earth, they too, will rest in the arms of our Savior

Good and MAD

I am MAD, ANGRY, FRUSTRATED...whatever synonym you want to use, that would describe how I've been feeling for the past several months.

Part of the time I have been mad with myself. Sometimes I've been mad at others. Sadly, I have been the most upset with God.

I live in a Developing Country. I come from one of the richest and most powerful countries in the world and have lived a semi-privileged life. My life wasn't cushy by any means, but compared to the people I live and work with in poverty stricken situations, I led a good life.

These are just a few of the many things we are accustomed to as the “norm” that don't count for a good portion of the rest of the world. Experiencing life without all of the “luxuries” can make you bitter or better. The last few months, I think I have become a little bit more bitter instead of the better that God was intending for me.

Watching Elliott suffer (and subsequently many other critically ill children) has changed me in ways that I didn't know possible. Not having an adequate health system has fueled my anger for a long time. Sadly, in many instances it has made me angry, angry, angry. In my heart of hearts, I know that God is good and He loves His children and He wants the best for us. Watching an innocent child suffer so needlessly has made me question so many things. Why can't he be sick in America where there are more resources has been one of my questions. I do realize there are many children with his disease in the good old USA who also don't have answers and receive poor treatment. (grass is greener complex)

The past few months in the hospital has had many ups and downs. We thought we were going to lose him more than once. This last time, holding his tiny body in my arms and watching him turn blue, just about did me in. I realized today that I hadn't prayed since that day. When we finally revived him and we left the ER the following morning, I was numb. I held him close and cried myself to sleep. I have stayed in the “fog” if you will, for more than a week now.

Yesterday was another day of chaos as it relates to his health. Around 10 pm, when he aspirated again, I got ANGRY. Furious is more like it. Ironically (NOT) scripture started coming to mind and I started declaring them over his life, I prayed, I sang and I told the enemy what he could not do. God has given us so much authority and we often don't utilize it. I was definitely in this place. In my anger, I had stopped agreeing with the Lord of Lords and subconsciously started agreeing with the prince of this world. As I prayed for Elliott, I repented and wept and prayed, declared and sang some more.

Many times I feel helpless, and the truth is Toya is helpless without the Lord. I can do NOTHING myself. Fortunately, for you and I, the Lord tells us that HIS strength is made perfect in our weakness.

The more I prayed and sang and recited scripture the angrier I became. Angry for what I allowed the enemy to steal, angry for how he deceives the world, angry for the chaos that comes because of this deception, and angry that we as Christians don't stand up and do what God calls us to do consistently. I could go on and on. All of my anger was unleashed on the enemy. Everything that I could think of that I allowed him to steal, I took back yesterday. Joy, peace, love, my sweet communion time with my Heavenly Father, etc. 

We still have a ways to go as it relates Elliott's health. I have no idea what things are going to look like but I know that I'm NOT alone, and Toya doesn't have to fight this battle. I am his warrior Princess, and He is the King who has all the weapons and assignments for how to win the war. I simply have to listen, obey, and use the weapons appropriately.

Worship is the weapon of choice for today. Today, I'm soooooooo happy that I got mad, the devil, not so much! Got my armor on and I'm ready to FIGHT!

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

Ephesians 6:10-13

Choosing Joy

This was almost called, Untitled Blog because I'm not sure what to write about. So many things have happened since my last post and my emotions have gone all over the place.

I'm writing from Yaounde where Elliott has been hospitalized for a long time. I'm hoping we can see light at the end of the tunnel and we will be discharged next week. We will stay in Yaounde if we are discharged because the Dr. says we have to come back for a follow up in a week and it's too much for him to travel that much in a week.

Elliott is now 8 months old and has been sharing life with me and my fellow Missionaries for a little more than four months now. It's been a difficult road, but a road filled with joy. There are days when I want to pull my hair out. There are moments of tears, anger and frustration but still there is joy.

Today my heart is full. I am remembering a few weeks ago when Elliott started seizing at 3:45 a.m. Seizing in itself isn't abnormal for him but these were violent strange seizures that I had not seen before and they didn't stop. 2 hours later his body was still convulsing. In African hospitals you are not hooked up to machines to monitor you. The patient is responsible for bringing their own care-giver to report any strange occurrences to the nurses.  I ran to the nurses station. The door was locked and the nurse was asleep. AARGH...

She finally came to my room to get his temperature and she stopped in her tracks. He was still seizing... We grabbed his things and ran with him to the emergency room. I explained everything to the Dr. His response, "What do you want me to do? You have already given him all the drugs that I would give him. Go back to your room and wait." I will not post what my response was to him. I did ask him to call the Neurologist at home to find out what he would do. Dr. Mbassi gave instructions and he was given additional medication twice. It didn't work. Elliott finally went into a coma for more than 3 hours. I was frantic. All I could do was weep and pray. Watching a child suffer is more than I can take. I sent texts to those closest to me asking them to pray and letting them know what was going on.

Close to noon, his eyes suddenly opened and he began smacking his lips for food. Immediately I began to laugh. Really, turmoil all morning and you wake up asking for food! I of course fed him and held him and cried tears of joy at this point. I should say that he was still having seizures during this time but not as violent.

Doctors came in and out of our room every 20 minutes to check on him. Nurses stayed around the clock. He slipped in and out of consciousness. The Charge Nurse finally came to me and said that I should call anyone who wanted/needed to say goodbye. She left and came back asking, Has the baby been baptized, do you want me to call a Priest? (she's Catholic) I told her no and explained why but I asked the Dr. who was sitting there if we were fighting a losing battle. Do I stop and just allow him to go home. The Dr. began to cry and walked out of the room. What in the world was I supposed to do with that? She came back later and said, she didn't know if anything else would make any difference.

I held Elliott a little closer and began to pray. I called the Orphanage and gave them the news. I called the people who love Elliott just as much as I do to give them the opportunity to talk to him, perhaps for the last time. I told him over and over how much I love him and how much joy he has brought to my life. I told him that it was o.k. to rest and go be with his heavenly Father if that is what He chose. Fight if you want, but rest if you want my sweet baby. Silent tears began to stream down Elliott's face. He is on so many drugs that he has lost his ability to cry with his voice.

Finally close to 5 p.m. his body stopped convulsing. I lay with him on my chest and sang worship songs. There was nothing else for me to do. 

I waited, hoped, and prayed.

Somehow we both fell asleep. I woke up early the next morning with him still on my chest and breathing well. I wanted to scream and jump for joy. We made it through the night and he once again opened his eyes and smacked his lips asking for food. As I fed him over and over all I could say was, Thank you Lord. Thank you for sparing our boy. Thank you for the miracle of his life... and then to Elliott... Elliott Bless, you are cherished, you are loved, you are a Prince of the Most High King.

On Monday morning all of the staff from Friday came to our room with coats on and purses in hand. They thought they were coming to mourn with me. I wish I could have captured the looks on their faces when they saw that he was still alive. Shrieks and clapping and grabbing me and hugging me happened for almost 2 hours as they shared the news with the staff all over the hospital.

God has his hand on your boy, how is it that he is still with us? Prayer is my only answer...

Today, a few weeks later, Elliott is almost done with his treatment. In the past few days he has started "communicating" again. He can lift his head for about 30 seconds and turn it from side to side. He is also lifting his legs and his right arm just a tiny bit. These are all things that he has NEVER done before.

We still have a long way to go. He may or may not ever be what we call "normal." That's o.k. He's Elliott, and he's a miracle and for that I will always choose JOY in the midst of all the pain.

Elliott is one of many children with Infantile Spasms. There are parents all over the world who walk their children through some scary times. It's not easy, it hurts and we don't understand why.

We have a God who knows us, knows each child and loves them and wraps his arms around us daily and tells us that as long as we choose HIM, we can still choose joy.

Hug your kids today. Call your mom, dad, and/or the person who raised you and tell them you love them! Life is precious and we have many moments to walk in anger, fear or dread but no matter what your situation, if you look very closely, there is still a reason to choose joy!

But let all those who take refuge and put their trust in You rejoice; let them ever sing and shout for joy, because You make a covering over them and defend them; let those also who love Your name be joyful in You and be in high spirits. Psalms 5:11

The Heart of a Mother

Auntie Yaya, Elliott's mother has come and she would like an update on his life...

These were the words I heard early Wednesday morning. As I bundled Elliott up to take him to the orphanage to visit his mother and sister, my mind was reeling.

Most days I don't think about the fact that Elliott has a biological mother out there. A woman who loves him and did the best that she could for him by taking him to the orphanage. A woman that I was prepared to dislike, and if I'm truly honest, a woman I was prepared to HATE.

How can one "throw away a baby?" How can one leave a child to suffer when they are helpless?

My first meeting with Celine changed my thoughts a lot.

At our first meeting, I walked into the orphanage with all of Elliott's medical "stuff." X-rays, MRI, EEG reports, etc. etc. etc. I did NOT take Elliott with me. In my mind, there was no way I was going to let someone "hurt my baby" AGAIN. (I had previously been told that she tried to abort Elliott and his twin.) I truly didn't even want to meet with her but she was the only person who had the medical history of his family and we desperately needed that information.

As I sat down in the office, it was quickly apparent to me that his mother was not happy about this meeting either. She had come to see her children and who was this woman that had her child and had refused to bring him?

We talked, I showed her all of the documentation. The nurse who helps care for Elliott was with me to explain everything to her in Pidgin. (She does not speak English) I learned that she had 7 other children and 6 of them were DEAD. All 6 had many of the same symptoms that Elliott had but none of them went to a Doctor and none of them lived past a few weeks of life. The 7th child also had the symptoms but miraculously is alive today. When speaking about her children, she had tears in her eyes. She gave birth to Elliott and Cathy Praise and when she was released from the hospital, she brought them to the orphanage. Not because she hated them, but because she wanted them to have a chance at life. She knew that she could not care for them and in my heart, I recognize that she wasn't sure these children would live either. She couldn't live with any more heartbreak.

On this visit, when I arrived she was in the office holding Cathy Praise. When I walked in with Elliott she got the biggest smile on her face. The smile quickly disappeared when she could not wake him up and she saw his "floppy" body.  Why doesn't he wake, she asked in Pidgin? I tried to explain. While I understand Pidgin well, my speaking skills are limited. Various people around the orphanage tried to explain to her that his medication keeps him sedated so that he doesn't have seizures. After a few hours of questions and getting nowhere I finally called the nurse to have her explain. This time, everything was painfully clear to her. She came back and sat down next to me with questioning eyes. She told Cathy Praise over and over, see your brother, your brother is sick. You must pray for your brother. She began to shake and walk in circles muttering under her breath in her local dialect. The Administrator from the Orphanage and I shared glances. I mouthed, I'm sorry, I felt like she needed the truth.

In Celine's mind, we had gone to the hospital and "stayed for long." The fact that I had him back in the house meant that everything was fine. Learning that Elliott will be under a Doctor's care for a long time and that children  with West Syndrome typically only have a 5 year life expectancy did her in. I can relate, I have cried many tears and prayed many prayers. I don't even remember what my response was when I heard these things for the first time.

She sat down next to me again and grabbed my arm. She pulled me out of the chair and held me and began to shake. Don't let my baby die, don't let my baby die she said to me over and over. I walked with her and held her and tried to comfort her. I prayed, I sang and whispered scriptures in her ear. I told her over and over, how blessed her child was because she chose to give him life. TWICE. Once by giving birth and secondly by dropping him off at the orphanage instead of in a ditch. (quite common in Africa)

We walked out on to the porch and she literally lay her head on my breast, put her arms around my waist and cried for a long time. She was speaking but I have no idea what she was saying. The words were lost in my own tears and thoughts. There were no more words for me to say. All I could think of was how difficult it was to be her. She loves her children but feels helpless. She doesn't have resources to help herself much less help them. I don't know how long we stood on the porch. I had one arm around her and Elliott balancing in the other arm. A very unlikely trio. This is one time I was grateful that Elliott was blissfully unaware of what was going on.

She finally calmed down and we walked back inside. As I gave her Elliott to hold she begged me to take Cathy Praise home with me to. My own tears began to fall again. I had to explain that while I would love to bring Cathy Praise home, I simply am not equipped to do so right now. She put Elliott in my arms, took Cathy Praise from the orphanage staff and placed her in my other arm. Abeg, Abeg, Abeg she said. (I beg, I beg, I beg - which is equivalent to Please, Please, Please in English)

There was nothing more that I could say. What do you do? My heart was/is broken. It's hard for people to understand that I am one woman with limited resources. There is the concept that you are an American so you have everything. In this moment, I don't think any of these things were going through her head. I think she, like me, realized, I wanted to hate you but I now know how much you love these children. She simply wants the best for her kids and I choose to believe, she can see that I want the same things.

I gave her Elliott, gave Cathy to the staff and had my own time walking around outside. When I came back in she was kissing Elliott's head and saying, no more sick, no more sick. My heart threatened to burst once more. It was time to leave. We had been there for more than 4 hours and I had a team at home waiting for me. I told her that we needed to leave but anytime she wanted a visit with Elliott, she only needed to call the orphanage and I would bring him down.

She walked me to the car and placed Elliott in my lap. Thank you, she said. You no go let my baby die...

As we drove away, my tears began to fall again. My heart now overflowed with love for a person whom I never thought it possible. The driver began to ask me all kinds of questions. He wanted to know how I could allow her to see Elliott.  She has thrown her baby. Why didn't you refuse? I explained the situation to him...A mother does what she has to do for her child. No matter how painful it is for her. Celine truly has the heart of a mother. LOVE.

My God is so big, so strong and so mighty! There's nothing my God can't do!

Lydia Before

Lydia After

Achiever After

Achiever Before

Achiever After

                                                            

Elliott After

Elliott Before

Elliott is in Yaounde for his monthly tests and check-up with a Pediatric Neurologist.

His EEG results came back with significant improvement with his brain activity! God is so good! I am beyond thrilled with this news. It makes all of the ups, downs and fears of the past few months worth it.

While this news brings me joy, there is so much that is breaking my heart. Our mission team has spent the last 2 weeks serving the people of Cameroon in various ways. There are children at the same orphanage where Elliott is from that are not having their medical needs met. Some of this is a lack of education on the part of the Orphanage staff and the other is simply lack of funds to be able to care for so many children.

I witnessed children with severe diaper rash, coughs, green goop seeping from their eyes and yellow fluid draining from their ears. We provided help for those that we could and I made phone calls to solicit additional support for the others. 

The Director of the Orphanage and I had a talk the other day about the lack of resources and the number of children that they have to care for. That very morning, they turned away a child that someone was seeking a home for. We have no idea what the fate of that child will be.

My heart continues to break every time I walk out of a place where people are suffering. 3 years ago, I came to Cameroon for the first time, not knowing why I was coming. I didn't want to come. I got on the plane telling the Lord that I was coming out of sheer obedience. 2 days after arriving my heart was broken for the medical conditions of the people. I told the Lord,  I am not a Dr. There is only so much that I can do. What am I supposed to do with everything that I see? The Lord has filled me with love for Cameroonians and placed a burden in my heart to build a medical clinic to help the children at the orphanage as well as needy people within the community.

As a ministry we have been able to help a few children here and there with various medical needs. Elliott is the latest child that we/you are assisting. Traveling from city to city and hospital to hospital for sometimes simple things has renewed my passion to bring quality medical care to the people of Cameroon. I have watched people suffer needlessly and in some instances, people have died when they only needed simple treatment.


Celebration Community Church has "caught the vision" of assisting with the medical needs for the people of Cameroon. They have identified buildings that can be put together in a weeks time and have a team of people who are committed to coming in March of 2013 to help erect the first temporary structure for the medical clinic. We have land available here. What we need now is finances to make it happen. The cost of the 3 buildings being made, and shipped to Cameroon is approximately $50,000. We will not know how much Custom's duties on the buildings are until they are in the country. The company making the building needs a deposit of $8,000 to begin construction. My goal is to raise 1/3 of the money by August 1, 2012. This means we need 160 people to donate $100 by this date. Are you one? Will you prayerfully consider joining us in the effort to change the spiritual health and physical health of our Cameroonian brothers and sisters? Any gift of any size is also greatly appreciated.


My personal support needs have changed a bit since taking Elliott in. My new support goal is $1850 per month. This includes the $1,000 a month for living expenses, transportation, insurance in case I need emergency travel home etc. Elliott's needs are approximately $850 per month. (known costs) One week in Yaounde is $350, (we must travel at least once a month for a week to see the Neurologist and have all of his tests done) $250 monthly for medical tests and medication that he currently uses, $100 month for formula and $150  per month for a nurse to assist with his care part time. These are his known expenses. If he has other medical issues that come up this will vary.

My plan for the summer was to come home and begin to raise money for the medical clinic as I raised my support for the next year. Elliott is going to need more care than the orphanage can provide and because of this, I have cancelled my flight and will stay in Cameroon until he his in good shape. This has put me in the interesting situation of support raising from the field. I will be honest when telling you, this makes me nervous. I haven't had to be in this position before but I am taking it as my faith muscles stretching once again. My entire life is a faith walk and this is just one more step in the journey. If you are interested in giving, you can click on the DONATE button above. All gifts are 100% tax deductible.

If you are interested in donating specifically for the medical clinic, you may also mail checks to:
Celebration Community Church, 805 10th Ave. North, Clear Lake, Iowa, 50428 - please put Cameroon Medical Clinic on the Memo line.


When I think about all of this, it's daunting but my God is bigger than all of this and I know that He will provide for what He has called me to do.

Thank you for all of your faithful support over the years and especially of late with Elliott. His life is sure to be a testimony to those around him as well as those in your community. He already has a great testimony in that most Dr.'s here wondered how he could be alive a few months ago.I see the progress that he has made in a short time, and it brings me joy. There are still days that I cry and I hate to watch him suffer but I know that God is taking care of him and the Lord will see us through. I'm looking forward to the day of his total healing and the joy we will have when we celebrate, celebrate, celebrate!

Mission Team is on the way!

Our first Mission Team is currently in the air on their way to Cameroon!
Please be praying for travel mercies and that they arrive with all of their luggage in tow!

Second wave of short term missionaries leave the U.S. tomorrow and arrive on Sunday.

Cameroon is never going to be the same and neither are the Missionaries.

We are looking forward to God changing lives this summer!

The Unknown

Sophia and Nadege, my precious girls

Baby Elliott all dressed up for my Graduation Ceremony

Three questions have been consistent in my email/Facebook lately.

1.    When are you coming back to the U.S.?

2.    Are you going to adopt baby Elliott?

3.    What about your girls in Haiti?

These are all very good questions and yet, none of them have a truly simple answer. I will do my best with this blog.

1. - When am I coming back to the U.S.?

       

The simple answer is, I don't know. I was scheduled to come home on July 12 for a few months of visiting, reporting on what I have done for the last year and of course, support raising for next year. This all changed when Dr. Mbassi told me that Elliott would need to be on medication and watched very carefully for the next 18 months. Elliott is from an orphanage that has 130 children and 6 workers. The ability for them to watch him very carefully and provide the special care that he needs simply isn't possible. So, I have obtained official Temporary Legal Custody of Elliott and will be his primary care-giver for the time being. I have cancelled my flight home and we shall see what the future holds for me making a trip back to the U.S.

2.    Am I going to adopt baby Elliott?

       

The simple answer here is also, I don't know. This is a questions that I ponder almost daily. There are many things to consider when thinking about this. Elliott is a twin. His sister Cathy Praise is still living at the orphanage. We visit when we can but with the care that Elliott needs right now, I simply cannot handle he and Cathy Praise alone. I think it's fundamentally wrong to keep them separated long term but I wonder if I will be able to care for the two of them properly.

Cameroonian law requires you to have the children you wish to adopt in your physical custody for 3 months before they will consider granting an adoption decree. This won't be an issue with Elliott, but I don't know about Cathy. Cameroonian law also allows any surviving family member of the children in question to give their opinion about the adoption. If the family members for any reason don't want the adoption, it will not be granted. Most Cameroonian's are fundamentally opposed to adoption. They refuse the adoption, and yet will not care for the child. This is a rant for another day.

As a Missionary who lives on 100% support, I wonder if I will be able to raise enough support for us to live as well as take care of all of his medical needs. The unknown here makes me a tad bit nervous. I am living by faith day by day but trying to explain this to the Cameroonian government is another story. It's hard enough explaining to American's who"don't get it." So I'm praying and we shall see what God says.

I will tell you this, life without Elliott has become a blur and when looking at the future, I know he will be a part of my life in some way.

3.    What about my girls in Haiti?

Sophia and Nadege are my heart and my prayer is that one day I will be able to adopt them. They are currently living in an orphanage in Haiti and we send letters and pictures as often as we can. I have a dear friend who visits them monthly and gives me reports and occasionally I am able to skype with them. They were removed from an orphanage that was shut down by the Haitian government and is currently under investigation. Adoption isn't possible until the investigation is complete. Who knows when that will be? The same financial concerns are there as well..The girls know that I love them and I'm told, they tell the other kids in the orphanage, their mother lives in Africa! I have the sweetest letters from them that are signed, love your daughter... Receiving those in the mail here in Africa was priceless. I'm waiting for the day when I can bring them home.

Those are the answers to my most frequent questions in the last few weeks. I'm confident that the Lord will make things clear and for the time being, I will continue living life and allowing Him to guide me day by day.

In other news, I graduated from Bethel School of Ministry yesterday. It was a wonderful celebration that was full of both laughter and tears. I loved being a student learning more about the Lord this year. I will continue to help with various aspects of the school next year and I'm looking forward to applying  all of my newly acquired knowledge and learning even more!

On Friday, my first official Mission team will be coming to serve! I'm beyond thrilled. A second group arrives on Sunday and a third group arrives June 23rd. It's sure to be a very busy summer! The teams will be serving in several communities here in Cameroon. We have been preparing our Armor of God Vacation Bible School curriculum, they will minister at the local prison and help out at some primary schools. One group will be taking a trip to the Bush to live without electricity or running water.  We will be teaching about the Living Water in a Muslim and Jehovah's Witness Community and distributing  Water Purifiers to some needy families. At some point we will host a 5 day Youth Camp that will focus on spiritual and medical needs as well as some sports activities!  This is just a glimpse of what we will be doing! Follow the blog to see how God uses these groups of young adults to help change the Nation of Cameroon!

And finally for all of you who have asked how to give online, there is now a link on the blog page to my support account at the National Christian Foundation!

Thank you for all of your prayers, encouraging emails and financial support over the last few years. Lives are changed and people are able to see the love of Christ demonstrated because of all of YOU!

Blessings to you and your families! Hugs and love from Cameroon!

I Despise Medical Care in Third World Countries!

This is an update that I wrote in Oct. of 2011,  just before Achiever had his surgery. I was cleaning out my inbox and thought it was appropriate now. Dr. Mbassi gives me hope...

 

 

Beware - this is a rant... so if you'd rather not read it, read the next paragraph and stop.

 

The upside is Achiever is likely to be admitted to the hospital on Thursday to have surgery on Friday! Please pray, pray for Wisdom for us making decisions and for the hands of the medical personnel involved... Dr. Pahle is the name of the surgeon and he asked me to ask for prayers for him as well.  I'll do my best to keep you posted...

 

On to the rant...

 

I despise medical care in Third World Countries! I am not in love with our over-priced medical system in America either but I don't live in America right now. (that rant to come later I'm sure)

 

Achiever and I have been back and forth to the medical clinic where he will be having his surgery. His overall health has improved so much it's phenomenal. The surgeon that we have been seeing has moved to a private clinic instead of the hospital where he used to work. The new clinic is in the middle of no-where. It's literally surrounded by corn fields and a Banana plantation. This I am o.k. with.

 

The lack of smiles, non-physical touch and general rudeness to the patients that are coming for help I am not! People are in serious pain and no one cares. People are struggling to walk into the medical center because of injuries and/or pain and no one assists them. We are sitting outside of the female ward waiting to see the Dr. and there is a woman who is moaning and crying because of the pain that she's in. I am unsure of whether she is in pain from a procedure or something else. She starts screaming and no one even bothers to go look at her. We peek into the room and she is all alone. You must bring your own caregiver with you to the hospital here or you don't have one. There are no nurses to check on you, there is no pain pump to deliver drugs to you,  no one bringing you meals 3 times a day, and certainly not a CNA coming to be sure you have your daily bath. If you don't have a family member or someone to take care of you, you basically just suffer until it's time for you to go home. So our friend is in bed alone and in pain. Ashia is said by several people who are outside in the waiting room with us. (Ashia is kind of like saying it will be o.k. or I sympathize with you.) I overhear someone else saying that she should be beaten for making so much noise. That's helpful right...Literally all I can do is pray. The woman is so out of it, she can't understand me or respond to tell us what's wrong.

 

We were at the the clinic from 9 until 3:30 or so (nothing is fast here either, there is no sense or urgency for just about anything) In all of that time, no medical personnel checked on our friend that I could see. They may have checked while I was actually in with the Doc. but I can't be sure. No one brought her food, helped her bathe or gave her any pain meds. That $10 Tylenol that we would get in the U.S. won't be happening unless she can pay for it on the spot. Every time you need something done, you or your caregiver must go to the receptionist to find out the cost, you then go to the cashier to pay for it and then you can find a nurse to give them your receipt and you will get what you need. (or at least what you can pay for) A person can literally be bleeding from the head and you will not be helped until you first pay for everything they think you need to pay for. Mind you, a Doctor doesn't see you, a receptionist decides what's wrong and what you need to pay for. AARGH.

 

I ran out of money (money on hand) when we were at the clinic because I based the amount I took with me on the old hospital's prices. The old hospital is heavily supported by the Catholic Church and so their prices are cheaper because of it. The new place is private and has no support so... example - old hospital office visit price was 500 CFA - new Clinic price is 5000 CFA. 10x the amount. One has no way of knowing this until you are actually there. So anyway, in paying for all the things we did, we needed to do a second round of blood testing for a blood donor for Achiever. (no blood bank and no list of volunteers so we had to "find our own." The Doctor literally told me to look for a blood donor and bring them to be tested... Anyway - the blood tests were 16,000 CFA and I only had 13,000 on me.  Fortunately I had a driver with us so I could run to get more money quickly. I asked the receptionist, Can I give you the 13,000, you start the tests and I will come back in 15 minutes with the balance? NO - you have all or we do NOTHING. If you know me at all, you know my blood began to boil. I discussed with her for several minutes and told her I have the money, I will be back in a few minutes and I will pay the balance, please start the tests. It was pointless. I got Mama Grace, gave her the money and asked her to intervene while I ran to the bank.  Silly things like this is why people lose their lives because of stupidity. For the record, in this case Mama Grace got the Doctor who had operated on Lydia (and is operating on Achiever) because he knew that I had raised money for Lydia and they always had what they needed, he told them to do the testing for the $13,000 and do the other $3,000 when I came back. This is fine and good, but what happens when you don't have the "white man" from America who has a track record with the Doctor to help you out?? It shouldn't be that way. Right is right regardless of who you are or who you know. (FYI- White Man is the term for foreigners here, so I am called "white man" all the time.)  Lydia's mother told me stories of Lydia getting her casts on after her surgery. You pre-pay for the amount they think they will need. They ran out and she needed more so someone was sent to get her mother to come pay for more. (who was out back cooking for when Lydia woke up)  The money for the surgery was left with the headmaster of the school Lydia attended because we can't just turn over thousands of dollars to people. He was out of town and the money was in the bank. The staff at the hospital told Lydia's mother that they could not finish putting the casts on until she paid. They fought for over an hour. The headmaster finally called someone to borrow the money and take to the hospital and he paid them back when he came home. Ridiculous craziness but it's the way people live here. Lydia's mother is a tiny margin of the population that's willing to fight for what she knows is right and she would do anything for her child. The average person here just gives up and takes the attitude of, this is life.

 

A lady who works at the orphanage was called because her husband was sick at his job. She hired a taxi to get her and pick him up and go to the hospital. While she was there paying for everything her husband died in a chair in the waiting room. He hadn't been seen by a doctor. It's a mess and there is nothing I can do about it. She was walking with me yesterday asking how such things can happen? I don't have answers for her. Her final statement to me, this is our life. My thoughts are it doesn't have to be this way...

 

So many things are running through my mind. I am one woman that isn't a doctor and I can't change the medical system in Third World Countries. God has to be the one.  I have been a patient and a caregiver in these hospitals and it makes me sick to my stomach to see how people are treated. As long as I am able, I will fight for change and do my best for the people I'm helping. This is part of the reason why I am here. For now, my job is to pray for the people here and help wherever I can. In a meeting with the founder of a Medical School here, she told me, we need help, we need more training and we need better medical equipment. Can you help us? I don't know how much I can help. It pains me to admit it. There is only so much I can do. Yaya in herself can do nothing, but I know the one who can. My flesh struggles with not being able to fix every problem I see and help each person that is in need.  I selfishly asked the Lord to put blinders on me when I can't help someone that I see/feel is hurting. My heart hearts for them and I obsess with trying to find ways to fix whatever the problem is. I am not the fixer. I know The Ultimate Fixer and my job is to point people to Him.

 

This week I decided that I'm a bridge builder. The bridge connects things that may not otherwise be connected. It brings people together. My prayer is that I can be a bridge to bring people to the Lord and people can see Him as a dear Father who loves them and not some ominous ogre who lives in the "great by and by" directing our lives with a whip. If the bridge can connect and help with some physical needs that's great but the bigger picture is to connect with the Father above. He is the one that can "fix it all."

 

Pray for the people around the world who face these types of obstacles on a daily basis. This includes people in America. People in the U.S. who don't have health insurance can be seen in our hospitals but they are sometimes treated just as badly as the people in Third World Countries.  Do what you can to help in all of these situations. Ask the Lord, what is my part? then listen and OBEY what HE tells you to do.

 

In the meantime, I will fight for good medical care and provide the best help I can to Achiever and the Orphanage staff when he has his surgery. As a ministry, we will keep working to build a medical clinic here that will provide the best care we can provide for everyone regardless of their ability to pay. I'm fortunate to have had people fight for me when I needed medical care and couldn't afford it. Paying it forward is the least of what I can do.

 

Please know that I realize people in medical facilities in Third World Countries are basically doing the best they can with what they have. I understand that you can't just give everything away. I also understand that if this is all you know, you can't do differently. There is just something in me that wants human dignity for everyone and sympathy when people are in pain. People dying because they don't have money doesn't make sense to me, yet it happens everyday around the world. (even in the U.S.)

 

My prayer is for healing of our nations, our hearts and our bodies. I wish that Doctors were not necessary. I'm glad that the Lord has given them knowledge to be able to help up but dang it sometimes I just wish that He would do a Miraculous healing of everyone that's sick. I know He can. Until He comes back, I will do what I can to help lead people to Him, the Ultimate Healer. If that means meeting people's physical needs to build a relationship with them, in order for them to have the Ultimate Relationship, then so be it.

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey and for listening to my rant. feeling better knowing that He's got it.

It is Well With My Soul

                                                                              

The weekend was long and painful.

A few days after starting Vigabatrin, Elliott's myoclonic jerking returned with a vengeance and he also began having more seizures. Once, he started to giggle and he smiled. (this rarely happens so it's a treat when it does) I ran for the camera because I wanted to see if he would do it again... Instead of capturing a smile, he went into a tonic-clonic seizure that lasted more than 5 minutes. A tonic clonic seizure is when his eyes roll up in his head and his body is frozen stiff, the clonic part is that when this ends, his body begins to convulse all over. SCARY to say the least. This happened several times in a row, sometimes with the convulsions and sometimes without.

This behavior isn't something that I hadn't seen before, but it was increasing in length and intensity. He had more times of seizures than he had of peace. Generally after the cluster of seizures, he would scream, sometimes for hours. The Neurologist wasn't available to see us on Friday due to his heavy workload and then he lectured late Friday evening and Saturday. My only solution was to sedate him and keep him sedated around the clock. The scariest part of this was that even with the sedation, some form of the seizures returned. I was a wreck most of Saturday. Saturday evening, I finally decided, enough was enough. I began reading healing scriptures out loud over Elliott, I read through all of our Bible stories of children of promise and destiny (Moses, Isaac, Joseph etc) and worshiped, worshiped, worshiped until the wee hours of the morning. All of this was while holding him in my arms and as he gnawed on my shoulder, I spoke in his ear.

An interesting side note is that when Elliott is most upset, I whisper to him and sing. For about 3 weeks now, the only song he will calm down to is the hymn, It is Well With My Soul. I could sing any other song and he would cry. As I sang this one, he would calm down and generally go to sleep.

Sunday was a better day. Seizures were still occurring but not as frequent or intense.

Today, we saw Dr. Mbassi again. I LOVE DR. MBASSI. He is one of the best Doctor's that I have met in a long time. Another blog will be written about health care in Third World Countries... Doctor's spend 10 minutes with you, not touching you and arguing with you about why you are there and then send you home with an official diagnosis  of "looks sick" written in your medical book... but that's a rant for another day!

When speaking with Dr. Mbassi last week, he asked me to video tape as much as I could of the different type of seizures that Elliot was having and document any unusual behavior (which I was already doing, I'm anal! so I was happy that I had things in order)

This morning I went through all of the videos and labeled them with names based on what was happening in to him and the day and date that it occurred. I put them all in a nice little folder labeled seizure vids for Dr. Mbassi and thought I loaded them on my laptop. When we tried to retrieve them at the hospital, everything from my computer disappeared! The folder was there but empty. (mind you, I checked this TWICE today before leaving) The card reader that I have was left at home and my SD card couldn't read the pictures on my camera because I had filed them... I had saved them in Quick Time and Dr. Mbassi's computer couldn't open the files. AARGH. Dr. Mbassi calmly told me not to worry, we would find something that would work. He spent more than 30 minutes getting the files to convert into something he could see! Never have I had a Dr. in any country take this much time and have this much patience. I expected him to send me home to find the videos and come back another day. Nope. Oh, and did I mention that today was Dr. Mbassi's day OFF. HE DOESN'T WORK ON MONDAY'S. And yet, I have seen him on Monday's at least 4 times. Today was also another Public Holiday for Cameroon and after a crazy week and a weekend of lecturing, he should have been at home in his bed resting... Yet, here he was with the crazy Missionary, on the brink of tears, patiently trying to help care for our boy.

He reviewed the videos 3 or 4 times each and then began asking questions and evaluating Elliott. He finally concluded that the drug was indeed working. In a small percentage of people the seizure activity increases at the onset of taking the drug, while the body adjusts to it. Add to that we took Elliott off of another drug that he probably should have been weaned from and there you go. His poor little system was confused. (Toya's words, not the doctor's.)

So we have added an additional drug to help keep the seizures at bay while his body adjusts. It took us more than 3 hours and visits to zillions of Pharmacies but we finally found it! It's almost 8 p.m. and so far today Elliott hasn't had ONE seizure. God is so good and He's so faithful!

Before leaving today Dr. Mbassi said to me, You must be a woman of strong faith. Many people cannot handle these things. He said, this isn't your child, why would you take such measures for him? He asked me how I do it and if I ever have doubts. Oh yes, I do. and I cry, and scream and yell... but I also pray and search scriptures for answers and trust God to make His word a reality in my life and the lives of those around me.  Apparently, the doc has had patients who have "thrown" their children away after receiving these types of diagnosis. There are many reasons why I'm sure. Disabilities in any form in Africa are generally seen as a "curse" or witchcraft etc. The child is considered a burden. In the rare case that families keep the children, there are usually no resources available to them because medical care costs money that they don't have. The Social Welfare system here doesn't have the resources to take care of them either so people do the bare minimum and it's usually not enough.

The BEST, BEST, part of my day. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Let me assure you, this is not the worse case of West Syndrome that I have seen. You are fortunate, you were able to afford an MRI and we have clear pictures of his brain and what is there. I have hope that he will get better. I am encouraged that there has already been progress with him in the short time we have been treating him. If we can get the seizures under control, I think he will begin to develop normally. It will take time, but I believe he will get better." He can't tell me how much better. No one knows. There are already many dead Neuron's in his brain but we caught things early and while he may be slower than other children, he may eventually catch up. 

In the short time that Elliott has been treated, his little hands that were permanently balled into fists have become loose. His arms move and he is now able to suck his fingers (although it scares him sometimes) He can lift his head and shift his body and his legs aren't stuck in a permanent "lock." He recognizes certain people and his eyes have begun responding to light. I could go on and on. All of this is to say how faithful God is and that he is still healing people.

We had a great discussion about faith and what I believe and why I do what I do. His final statement to me... Surely God is preparing you to take care of your own healthy children and husband one day! (Everybody thinks I have to be married! so funny) Anyway - he thanked me for talking with him and thanked me for caring for Elliott. I told him that it's not ME. It's God touching the hearts of all of YOU that make any of this with Elliott possible.

He had an MRI, we were able to travel to Yaounde and he can eat on a daily basis because you gave sacrificially and you are faithful to pray. I'm so grateful to everyone who has helped us, who encourages me and who loves the Lord enough to serve a child without a hope for a future otherwise. I am just the fortunate one who is able to hug and squeeze him and feel his heartbeat.

This isn't easy. Many days I wonder what in the world I'm doing in a Third World Country with a random child. There are days when I wonder if we will be able to keep up with his food and medicine and diapers and always when we are running out, help always comes.

I'm so grateful. I love the Lord and I love all of YOU. We will stay in Yaounde a few more days to be sure the new drugs are working well and then I will head home to Buea to prepare for the 3 Mission teams I have coming in the next few weeks.

I'm sure if Elliott could talk, He would say, Thank You! Thank you, for giving to the Lord, I am a life that was saved... In more ways than one.

I'm looking forward to the day when he is telling the testimony of his life. How he could have been  "thrown away" and forgotten, but people all over the world cared enough to be the hands and feet of Jesus here on the earth so that lives could be forever changed. My prayer is that through his life, many others will also be able to say with conviction that, It Is Well with their souls...

Blessings!