The Heart of a Mother

Auntie Yaya, Elliott's mother has come and she would like an update on his life...

These were the words I heard early Wednesday morning. As I bundled Elliott up to take him to the orphanage to visit his mother and sister, my mind was reeling.

Most days I don't think about the fact that Elliott has a biological mother out there. A woman who loves him and did the best that she could for him by taking him to the orphanage. A woman that I was prepared to dislike, and if I'm truly honest, a woman I was prepared to HATE.

How can one "throw away a baby?" How can one leave a child to suffer when they are helpless?

My first meeting with Celine changed my thoughts a lot.

At our first meeting, I walked into the orphanage with all of Elliott's medical "stuff." X-rays, MRI, EEG reports, etc. etc. etc. I did NOT take Elliott with me. In my mind, there was no way I was going to let someone "hurt my baby" AGAIN. (I had previously been told that she tried to abort Elliott and his twin.) I truly didn't even want to meet with her but she was the only person who had the medical history of his family and we desperately needed that information.

As I sat down in the office, it was quickly apparent to me that his mother was not happy about this meeting either. She had come to see her children and who was this woman that had her child and had refused to bring him?

We talked, I showed her all of the documentation. The nurse who helps care for Elliott was with me to explain everything to her in Pidgin. (She does not speak English) I learned that she had 7 other children and 6 of them were DEAD. All 6 had many of the same symptoms that Elliott had but none of them went to a Doctor and none of them lived past a few weeks of life. The 7th child also had the symptoms but miraculously is alive today. When speaking about her children, she had tears in her eyes. She gave birth to Elliott and Cathy Praise and when she was released from the hospital, she brought them to the orphanage. Not because she hated them, but because she wanted them to have a chance at life. She knew that she could not care for them and in my heart, I recognize that she wasn't sure these children would live either. She couldn't live with any more heartbreak.

On this visit, when I arrived she was in the office holding Cathy Praise. When I walked in with Elliott she got the biggest smile on her face. The smile quickly disappeared when she could not wake him up and she saw his "floppy" body.  Why doesn't he wake, she asked in Pidgin? I tried to explain. While I understand Pidgin well, my speaking skills are limited. Various people around the orphanage tried to explain to her that his medication keeps him sedated so that he doesn't have seizures. After a few hours of questions and getting nowhere I finally called the nurse to have her explain. This time, everything was painfully clear to her. She came back and sat down next to me with questioning eyes. She told Cathy Praise over and over, see your brother, your brother is sick. You must pray for your brother. She began to shake and walk in circles muttering under her breath in her local dialect. The Administrator from the Orphanage and I shared glances. I mouthed, I'm sorry, I felt like she needed the truth.

In Celine's mind, we had gone to the hospital and "stayed for long." The fact that I had him back in the house meant that everything was fine. Learning that Elliott will be under a Doctor's care for a long time and that children  with West Syndrome typically only have a 5 year life expectancy did her in. I can relate, I have cried many tears and prayed many prayers. I don't even remember what my response was when I heard these things for the first time.

She sat down next to me again and grabbed my arm. She pulled me out of the chair and held me and began to shake. Don't let my baby die, don't let my baby die she said to me over and over. I walked with her and held her and tried to comfort her. I prayed, I sang and whispered scriptures in her ear. I told her over and over, how blessed her child was because she chose to give him life. TWICE. Once by giving birth and secondly by dropping him off at the orphanage instead of in a ditch. (quite common in Africa)

We walked out on to the porch and she literally lay her head on my breast, put her arms around my waist and cried for a long time. She was speaking but I have no idea what she was saying. The words were lost in my own tears and thoughts. There were no more words for me to say. All I could think of was how difficult it was to be her. She loves her children but feels helpless. She doesn't have resources to help herself much less help them. I don't know how long we stood on the porch. I had one arm around her and Elliott balancing in the other arm. A very unlikely trio. This is one time I was grateful that Elliott was blissfully unaware of what was going on.

She finally calmed down and we walked back inside. As I gave her Elliott to hold she begged me to take Cathy Praise home with me to. My own tears began to fall again. I had to explain that while I would love to bring Cathy Praise home, I simply am not equipped to do so right now. She put Elliott in my arms, took Cathy Praise from the orphanage staff and placed her in my other arm. Abeg, Abeg, Abeg she said. (I beg, I beg, I beg - which is equivalent to Please, Please, Please in English)

There was nothing more that I could say. What do you do? My heart was/is broken. It's hard for people to understand that I am one woman with limited resources. There is the concept that you are an American so you have everything. In this moment, I don't think any of these things were going through her head. I think she, like me, realized, I wanted to hate you but I now know how much you love these children. She simply wants the best for her kids and I choose to believe, she can see that I want the same things.

I gave her Elliott, gave Cathy to the staff and had my own time walking around outside. When I came back in she was kissing Elliott's head and saying, no more sick, no more sick. My heart threatened to burst once more. It was time to leave. We had been there for more than 4 hours and I had a team at home waiting for me. I told her that we needed to leave but anytime she wanted a visit with Elliott, she only needed to call the orphanage and I would bring him down.

She walked me to the car and placed Elliott in my lap. Thank you, she said. You no go let my baby die...

As we drove away, my tears began to fall again. My heart now overflowed with love for a person whom I never thought it possible. The driver began to ask me all kinds of questions. He wanted to know how I could allow her to see Elliott.  She has thrown her baby. Why didn't you refuse? I explained the situation to him...A mother does what she has to do for her child. No matter how painful it is for her. Celine truly has the heart of a mother. LOVE.