Choosing Joy

This was almost called, Untitled Blog because I'm not sure what to write about. So many things have happened since my last post and my emotions have gone all over the place.

I'm writing from Yaounde where Elliott has been hospitalized for a long time. I'm hoping we can see light at the end of the tunnel and we will be discharged next week. We will stay in Yaounde if we are discharged because the Dr. says we have to come back for a follow up in a week and it's too much for him to travel that much in a week.

Elliott is now 8 months old and has been sharing life with me and my fellow Missionaries for a little more than four months now. It's been a difficult road, but a road filled with joy. There are days when I want to pull my hair out. There are moments of tears, anger and frustration but still there is joy.

Today my heart is full. I am remembering a few weeks ago when Elliott started seizing at 3:45 a.m. Seizing in itself isn't abnormal for him but these were violent strange seizures that I had not seen before and they didn't stop. 2 hours later his body was still convulsing. In African hospitals you are not hooked up to machines to monitor you. The patient is responsible for bringing their own care-giver to report any strange occurrences to the nurses.  I ran to the nurses station. The door was locked and the nurse was asleep. AARGH...

She finally came to my room to get his temperature and she stopped in her tracks. He was still seizing... We grabbed his things and ran with him to the emergency room. I explained everything to the Dr. His response, "What do you want me to do? You have already given him all the drugs that I would give him. Go back to your room and wait." I will not post what my response was to him. I did ask him to call the Neurologist at home to find out what he would do. Dr. Mbassi gave instructions and he was given additional medication twice. It didn't work. Elliott finally went into a coma for more than 3 hours. I was frantic. All I could do was weep and pray. Watching a child suffer is more than I can take. I sent texts to those closest to me asking them to pray and letting them know what was going on.

Close to noon, his eyes suddenly opened and he began smacking his lips for food. Immediately I began to laugh. Really, turmoil all morning and you wake up asking for food! I of course fed him and held him and cried tears of joy at this point. I should say that he was still having seizures during this time but not as violent.

Doctors came in and out of our room every 20 minutes to check on him. Nurses stayed around the clock. He slipped in and out of consciousness. The Charge Nurse finally came to me and said that I should call anyone who wanted/needed to say goodbye. She left and came back asking, Has the baby been baptized, do you want me to call a Priest? (she's Catholic) I told her no and explained why but I asked the Dr. who was sitting there if we were fighting a losing battle. Do I stop and just allow him to go home. The Dr. began to cry and walked out of the room. What in the world was I supposed to do with that? She came back later and said, she didn't know if anything else would make any difference.

I held Elliott a little closer and began to pray. I called the Orphanage and gave them the news. I called the people who love Elliott just as much as I do to give them the opportunity to talk to him, perhaps for the last time. I told him over and over how much I love him and how much joy he has brought to my life. I told him that it was o.k. to rest and go be with his heavenly Father if that is what He chose. Fight if you want, but rest if you want my sweet baby. Silent tears began to stream down Elliott's face. He is on so many drugs that he has lost his ability to cry with his voice.

Finally close to 5 p.m. his body stopped convulsing. I lay with him on my chest and sang worship songs. There was nothing else for me to do. 

I waited, hoped, and prayed.

Somehow we both fell asleep. I woke up early the next morning with him still on my chest and breathing well. I wanted to scream and jump for joy. We made it through the night and he once again opened his eyes and smacked his lips asking for food. As I fed him over and over all I could say was, Thank you Lord. Thank you for sparing our boy. Thank you for the miracle of his life... and then to Elliott... Elliott Bless, you are cherished, you are loved, you are a Prince of the Most High King.

On Monday morning all of the staff from Friday came to our room with coats on and purses in hand. They thought they were coming to mourn with me. I wish I could have captured the looks on their faces when they saw that he was still alive. Shrieks and clapping and grabbing me and hugging me happened for almost 2 hours as they shared the news with the staff all over the hospital.

God has his hand on your boy, how is it that he is still with us? Prayer is my only answer...

Today, a few weeks later, Elliott is almost done with his treatment. In the past few days he has started "communicating" again. He can lift his head for about 30 seconds and turn it from side to side. He is also lifting his legs and his right arm just a tiny bit. These are all things that he has NEVER done before.

We still have a long way to go. He may or may not ever be what we call "normal." That's o.k. He's Elliott, and he's a miracle and for that I will always choose JOY in the midst of all the pain.

Elliott is one of many children with Infantile Spasms. There are parents all over the world who walk their children through some scary times. It's not easy, it hurts and we don't understand why.

We have a God who knows us, knows each child and loves them and wraps his arms around us daily and tells us that as long as we choose HIM, we can still choose joy.

Hug your kids today. Call your mom, dad, and/or the person who raised you and tell them you love them! Life is precious and we have many moments to walk in anger, fear or dread but no matter what your situation, if you look very closely, there is still a reason to choose joy!

But let all those who take refuge and put their trust in You rejoice; let them ever sing and shout for joy, because You make a covering over them and defend them; let those also who love Your name be joyful in You and be in high spirits. Psalms 5:11